Shannon’s Pick: Pieces

We build it up, we tear it down
We leave our pieces on the ground
We see no end, we don't know how
We are lost and we're fallen
Hold on to me, you're all I have
All I have
Hold on to me, you're all I have
All I have

Well, today is the last infusion of 2024 and it’s also the last day of the year.  I really do not like this time of year.  It was thirty years ago today (12/31/1994) that my cousin was murdered, also on this day in 1999, one of our family’s closet friends was spending the holiday in the hospital with cancer.  Then there was 1/1/1997, the day I lost my brother Shane. It’s no wonder this is my least favorite time of year, some years are better than others but mostly they all suck.  When the kids were little, I tried my best to keep the holidays fun and festive and as they got older I was able to be both festive for them and let myself feel whatever grief had in store for me during the holidays that year.  The holidays this year has mostly been about the grief and that’s ok too, because I know which ever way I need to feel I have Larry to hold on to me.

Larry’s Perspective:

This is a song I wasn't too familiar with but over the past few days I would listen to it driving into work. I made some assumptions around why Shannon would have selected it for today of all days, and reading her entry confirms I was correct.

Some of you may be asking - why the fuck would you schedule a Ketamine infusion on December 31st when this time of the year is just a barrage of tragedy? 

Unfortunately, as with anything medical in the United States, it boils down to money. Yes it's true that we are in the normal window of when a treatment is due - but the difference of 24 hours means one day it's covered under 2024 when you've already met your deductible versus the other day where it's now 2025 and the whole treatment is out of pocket. It sucks to have to be conscious of things like this. But luckily the staff at CCH pulled it off for her today.

Of course there was apprehension heading in today - the weight of all those memories bearing down. But I'm happy to report that the experience was better than anticipated. It was still extremely tough and to sit and reflect that this terrible journey started the same year we got married is kind of numbing.

If you've been along on this journey, you might recall we touched upon these tragedies - Landing In London for our friend, Joey for her cousin and especially The Impression That I Get for Shane.

I have to reiterate what I previously wrote - Shannon does possess the strength that most don't have...

Pieces
Rob Thomas

Run away, run away if you can't speak
Turn a page on a world that you don't need
Wide awake and you're scared that you won't come down, now

Didn't I tell you, you were gonna break down?
Didn't I warn you? Didn't I warn you?
Better take it easy
Try to find a way out
Better start believing in yourself

We build it up, we tear it down
We leave our pieces on the ground
We see no end, we don't know how
We are lost and we're fallen
Hold on to me, you're all I have
All I have
Hold on to me, you're all I have
All I have

Now and then there's a light in the darkness
Feel around 'til you find where your heart went
There's a weight in the air but you can't see why, why

Didn't I tell you, you were gonna break down?
Didn't I want you? Everybody wants you
Tell me what you're needin'
Give in to your bleedin'
Never any feeling for yourself

We build it up, we tear it down
We leave our pieces on the ground
We see no end, we don't know how
We are lost and we're fallen
Hold on to me, you're all I have
All I have
Hold on to me, you're all I have
All I have

Didn't I tell you, you were gonna break down?
Didn't I warn you? Didn't I warn you?
Better take it easy
Try to find a way out
Better start believing in yourself

We build it up, we tear it down
We leave our pieces on the ground
We see no end, we don't know how
We are lost and we're fallen
Hold on to me, you're all I have
All I have
Hold on to me, you're all I have
All I have

Can you hold on to me?
Can you hold on to me?

Run away, run away if you can't speak

30th Anniversary

Our Story - Shannon's Perspective

Our Story - Larry's Perspective

Ghost of a Chance (Rush) and why?