On Monday, January 29th, 1990 I started my PT job at Express (DC1, Columbus, Ohio). The irony of the following story is that it was my girlfriend at the time that basically led me there. 

As with all journeys, some paths come to a gradual end, some end abruptly, and others, well if you’re willing to put in the time and effort, you get to a place that is so beautiful that you never want to leave.

The journey with that particular girlfriend came to an end, and so I took a few other paths over the course of the next couple of years.

While working at Express I happened to cross the path of someone else who was on a journey of her own. When I first noticed her, we didn’t work in the same area. But I certainly noticed her. Of course, her friend busted me (thanks Tracy) and let her know I noticed her. 

And then I got transferred to her area.

The department we worked in was rather small headcount wise, we had some crazy leadership (remember this is the early 90’s; they would not pass the “leadership” definition test today – barely did then) and it was physically tucked away at one end of the building. So being productive wasn’t always the top item on the agenda. And this allowed for a lot of socialization to occur. 

But as I write this, it really isn’t much different than today. Other than the fact (back then) we socialized directly, face to face as opposed to people (today) who spend their work-days “socializing” on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.

But I digress. Back to the crazy leadership. Those titans of industry, in their infinite wisdom, decided to put this moronic hooligan into some type of position of power (Group Lead is the term L brands, Inc. formerly known as Limited Brands, Inc. side-step kind-of formerly known as Intimate Brands formerly known as The Limited, Inc. uses). So as a “leader” I had some autonomy in how the work day progressed – and how I spent my time. 

So as the pretty cocky twenty-something Group Lead of High-Bay, one of the things I enjoyed was trying to get the team to stump me with trivia – could have been anything, but mostly around music. It was amazing how the team rallied to try and beat me, including the young lady I fancied. 

For quite a while, they couldn’t best me. The first one they were sure would topple me was the song “Walk the Dinosaur” by Was (Not Was) - please don’t judge me for knowing that song. But ultimately it was the song “Major Tom (Coming Home)” by Peter Schilling. 

It was through this specific time that I got to know Shannon more and more each day. We both loved music – a lot. We loved multiple genres. We loved the musicality. We loved the lyrics. We loved The Outfield.  I - not we - loved Rush. (Uh-oh - trouble in paradise?)

We also talked a lot about our child-hoods. Talked about our families (we both thought ours was crazy). Talked about former relationships. But mostly music. It always went back to the music. And her Fiancé.

Wait. What?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen – this young lady that I crossed paths with that was pretty much the one for me – was engaged. Now for those that don’t know me personally, I will just say that honesty, integrity and chivalry are among the things I hold in the highest regard. 

On two previous paths I was on, I had been “betrayed” where my girlfriends at the time started some type of relationship with someone else while we were together. One was a typical high-school / post high-school romance that likely would not have lasted. The other I knew probably wouldn’t work due to some deep, philosophical differences. But I thought I wanted it work. 

But they didn’t and they found someone else. I’m pretty confident they both married those individuals, so there’s that relative to my story of being on your own journey and crossing the path of someone else.

Anyway – for Shannon, and more importantly her fiancé, I was NOT going to be that guy. My relationship with her started and ended as co-workers at Express. For those that do or have worked on 2nd shift, you know the typical routine is for people to go out after work to bars, which she did with various groups. I never did (with her).

But since we were in the same area, I obviously couldn’t avoid her. So, between conversations relative to work-related things as well as just general non-work-related conversations, we continued to get to know each other more each day. And I continued to fall for her. But took zero action - because chivalry.

Unbeknownst to me, she was fighting the same internal battle. She had dated this fella and committed to him. But like my two former paths mentioned above, wanting something to work and it just working are two different things. Both her past experiences and potential future with him (he had just joined the military) were things she was struggling with even before she met me.

As you do when you’re young, your “world” tends to be pretty small – limited by the experiences you’re willing to face. I think it’s safe to say both Shannon and I (when we were young) individually kept our “worlds” pretty small. It’s a scary proposition trying something new in life – new places to live - new jobs to work - new friends to meet - new people to date.

In one way, Shannon was “worldlier” than me. Growing up part-time in Ohio - part-time in Kansas, she already had more “life experience” than me. 

But when our paths crossed, we allowed our “worlds” to get a little bigger.

She had the courage to let me in to how she was feeling about her fiancé. The struggles they had previously. The prospect of being a military wife and the likelihood of being saddled to a life in Kansas (after being exposed to the awesomeness of Ohio! Insert sarcasm here).

I honestly tried to listen, understand how she was feeling and share my own experiences. But all of this was leading to the ultimate question from her:

“What do you think I should do?”

Unbeknownst to her, I was dreading this moment which I knew was coming. Dreading because I could choose two paths.

The first path was to share everything I was feeling. How awesome I thought she was. How great I thought we were together. How I thought we could probably make something together that neither of us had felt until we met each other. 

But there are a lot of “I’s” in that statement. This wasn’t about me.

The second path was to say it’s your decision – only you can make it. 

First path - If you think “dude – just tell her how you feel!”, I agree. 

If you think that that would have been kind-of selfish, I also agree. 

I chose the second path. There was no way I was going to interfere in her current relationship any more than the way ours had already organically evolved as friends. And more importantly, many years from then, I wanted her to be able to look back with complete clarity and know that she made the decision alone. That she wouldn’t look back and feel it was influenced by someone else and live to regret it. Or to constantly think “what if?”

Needless to say, she was pissed. She just wanted an answer. And more importantly, she wanted to hear me say how I was feeling – about us – not necessarily what she should do. But I couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t do it. My stubbornness drove a wedge between us. I was pretty sure this was the end.

But thank god for music. I will forever proclaim that 1983 was the best year of music ever, but I have to give a shout-out to February 18th, 1992 when Guns & Roses released the single “November Rain.” It was the power and beauty of that song that drove Shannon to be introspective. To look at her situation and decide on her own. To ultimately choose that expanding her “world” to include me was what she wanted.

I cannot even begin to tell you how that felt – and how it still feels today. 30 years from our 2/19/1994 wedding day (31 years from our official 11/19/1992 dating anniversary). How humble it feels that she decided that I “might be the one” and to give herself to me. To trust me. Me! The moronic hooligan from 1992! 

The guy who never wore socks. Year round. In Ohio.

The guy who had Bass Boat shoes with holes in them. And wore them obsessively. Without socks.

The guy who still pegged his pants. In the 90’s.

The guy who shunned luxuries like bed-frames and slept with his mattress on the floor. In the dining room. While a non-rent paying friend stayed in what should have been my bedroom.

The guy who obsessed over Rush. Not as depicted on The Goldbergs, but a much cooler version. In my mind.

But as the saying goes – don’t judge a book by its cover. And she didn’t. 

Because all the time we were just friends we talked about hundreds of different topics without any barriers up or trying to be pretentious. When we arrived at that moment in time, we pretty much knew each other and liked each other for who they were. And we knew we probably had something special. And today’s milestone proves we were right. That she was right.
 
Not that I was wrong. (you have to insert these legal disclaimers after 30 years of marriage).

I am damn proud of what we have accomplished. How many people do you know that got married in the early / mid 90’s and are still together? I currently have ZERO friends and almost zero family from that era that are still together - and very, very few even approached the 30 year benchmark before calling it quits. I know the collective “world has moved on” as Roland (Stephen King) would say and maybe it’s just not a thing now to get married or even have this type of relationship. But you have no idea what you’re missing.

And as I stated at the beginning – I cannot believe how lucky I am to have arrived at a place so beautiful that I never want to leave. With “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World”.