When Larry tasked me with finding my own song to wrap up this year of dancing, I knew that I would just let it come to me organically. I did not want to overthink it but wanted it to be from the heart. A few days after I had a Ketamine treatment and after we started this project, I had a thought pop into my head which led me down a rabbit hole and eventually it landed me on the path to this song choice. I find it funny that it was the thought of a lyric that made me choose an instrumental. The lyrics?
I gave you everything you ever wanted It wasn’t what you wanted
Much like some other lyrics from this same song (see So Cruel writeup) Larry has been saying the above to me from the beginning as well. Albeit sometimes I don’t think he was actually being sarcastic. Over the years I kind of quit really giving these lyrics much deep personal thought but this time I decided to really think about it. I started by thinking about what it was I did want, not just now but young me, the 22-year-old me who married Larry. What I realized was all I ever wanted was someone to love who I didn’t have to question if they loved me, someone to share a life with, someone to grow old with. I know that seems like both a simple request and a monumental one all at once, or at least for me it does and that’s because I never truly thought it would be possible for me to find someone that would want me, love me and accept me for who I truly am not what they want me to be. So, what I wanted was exactly what I had, Larry.
Yes, we have had our ups and downs but so does every couple and what better way to show that than the montage at the beginning of the movie UP, that utilizes the song I have chosen for today. This 4 minute 21 seconds long bit of film will make you feel every emotion possible and break your heart. But when taken as a whole I feel like it shows the realities of a marriage so well. There will be good times and bad times but the storms are weathered with each other better than alone. Time will go by in an instant and you will look back at the things you put off that maybe you shouldn’t have. But through it all you had each other….to lean on, laugh with and hopefully grow with. This past year has been filled with all of the above. The pictures for today represent the 31 years our two hands have held on to each other through it all. The first is from our wedding day and the second one is a re-creation of that wedding picture from today, exactly one day before our 31st anniversary.
I will end todays write up with something I came across recently…….
Sometimes two broken hearts find each other and then they heal each other, they protect each other and they love each other for the rest of their lives.
Larry’s Perspective:
I want to share that I did not know this was Shannon's choice until tonight. It's the only song on this entire project that wasn't known beforehand.
If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would've never guessed that an instrumental and Shannon would ever go together.
But what a perfect way to end this project from her perspective.
Yes we have our tickets from seeing this movie in 2009 with Gabriel and Connor.
Yes I remember this sequence as a real heart tugger as I'm sure it was for most people. But I can say this; we felt it much deeper that day in the theatre more than most. And doing the math, that would have been after our 15th Anniversary - so halfway to where we are today.
I am deeply touched and emotional right now. Because that sequence is our life together. Knowing that that sequence touched the very deepest part of Shannon means the world to me...I'm glad this was her final selection...
Ghost of a Chance 