Well folks, we're nearing the end. Not long now until the final entry on February 19th, 2025. The last major theme to close us out revolves around the Passing of Time. If the first few months of this project were tough, they're actually a cakewalk compared to what we're about to go through. We're getting old and life perspectives are changing as they should - AKA we're closer to dying than when we were born. Some of these songs represent the heaviest weights that we've carried since knowing them. Some are as recent as 2023 and 2024, but I know in my heart of hearts that even if they came out in 1989 they would have made this list - they are that profound to me.
So if you're an artist that made this project from here on out you should feel humble and proud...you achieved what you set out to do...make music that people feel and love...thank you.
15 years ago tonight, I received a phone call from Lancaster Memorial hospital that my mom had asked them to give me a call and that I needed to get there as soon as I was able. At the time I lived in Pickerington which was ~30 minutes away. It was later in the evening and it was snowing. I wasn't sure what was going on, but in the moment I didn't take it very seriously. I told Shannon what was going on and asked her if she wanted to stay home, but her being way smarter than I was, sensed she should probably be there.
We jumped into our trusty RDX and headed out into the foggy, snowing night. We took our time due to the weather and got there no problem - the Acura SH-AWD doing what it does best. This may seem like a weird comment, but I'm a car guy. I need you to watch this short segment to understand why it's here (Jeremy Clarkson Why The Porsche 928?)
While Jeremy had that precious 30 minutes....I did not.
We walked into the hospital, I told them who I was and they escorted me to my mom, who was with my dad who had passed away.
Everything for a few minutes was a blur. How did my mundane, normal Tuesday just turn upside down?
IIRC, the hospital had already called my younger sister Dina and she was on the way. But no one had called my older sister Terri who lived in Cleveland - which was about two and a half hours away (without weather). So being the only son, that fell to me.
I called and her husband at the time Tom answered. In that moment I flashed back to the call Shannon received about her brother and my helplessness hearing her scream and not knowing what was going on. So right or wrong, I made a snap decision to tell him I needed to talk to her, but he needed to know the reason so he had milliseconds to prepare for her reaction. The only part of the conversation I recall is working my damndest to convince her not to hit the road right then - the weather north in Cleveland was far worse than Lancaster and it probably would have taken her twice as long to get there. Not only due to weather, but also her mental state in that moment. There was nothing she could do, and I've occasionally thought about being in her position versus the one I was in. I think she made the right call waiting until the next day to head down.
I then made a phone call to my Uncle Jerry, one of my mom's brothers, so he could help contact other family members. The shock must have fully settled in by then, because I only remember standing in the hospital lobby and outside in the snow having the conversation - not necessarily the conversation. But I do remember the feeling of warmth and comfort, because that's the kind of guy he was. I'm eternally grateful for that.
My younger sister arrived and her reaction was what you would expect with such unexpected trauma. These were some pretty tough moments that were about to get worse.
That's when we were told the LPD Detectives had arrived and wanted to do their interview.
What?
Up until this moment, I guess I knew my dad had passed away - not why. So as my mom, my sister and I are being interviewed together, a somewhat better picture started to form.
My dad had been out, I think picking up dinner for him and my mom, and the van he was driving had some mechanical problems. He called my mom to tell her what was going on and that he would just walk home because he wasn't that far away. He told her by the time she got outside and cleared the snow off their other vehicle and got it warmed up he would be home - that's how close he was. He never made it. Someone had contacted the police about an individual laying in the snow beside the road.
I'm listening to this story being told to the detectives by my mom and being flooded with a million questions, that quite honestly, still aren't answered today - fifteen years later. For what I believe are religious reasons, my mom stated my dad would not want an autopsy performed. So was it a heart attack? Was it blunt force trauma from a passing vehicle? Was it something else? I don't know.
My sisters may have a different reality than this, but it feels like I was the glue that moved us slowly forward the next few weeks. Methodically and rationally talking about what needed to be done and helping get those things accomplished. Obituary. Transfer of burial plots from Westerville to closer to Lancaster. Closing / transferring of accounts. Vehicle repairs / replacement.
A memory I haven't thought of in a long time just popped up as I'm writing this. Back in 2008, 2009, 2010 the economy was shit. My dad did construction his whole life and that had slowed way down. He was at a point where he needed to take any type of job he could get. He had an interview scheduled at Giant Eagle in Lancaster and was looking forward to it because at least he got the interview. And then he passed away. I could not and would not let anyone at Giant Eagle think "No show Larry Barnes" was a flake or a loser, so I made it a point to go there and speak to as many Managers and HR reps as possible to let them know what had happened. Did I hold it together? Of course not. Was it awkward as hell for them? Of course it was. But doing that meant a lot to me. Today Shannon helped me remember that when he collapsed by the roadside, he lost the lenses out of his glasses. That same day I went to Giant Eagle, I went to LensCrafters so they could just insert lenses into the frames for his funeral.
While we were at the hospital that night, Shannon just called the boys to let them know we would be a while. We waited until we got home for me to tell them directly.
As time passed the moment arrived when it was time to help my mom clean the house a little. Again - stoic, methodical, rational me helped moved through things as best possible. It wasn't until we were in the garage going through things when I uncovered my dad's Erector set that I had spent so many hours with that I totally lost it. It was sudden and like a damn bursting and I think it was somewhat a relief for my mom and sisters - that I was finally giving in to the pain and not holding it in.
Fuck - we haven't even got to the songs yet. And I've owed Shannon a discussion for 15 years.
A funeral in Ohio in February is not fun. Franklin Hills Memory Gardens has no headstones, so it is basically just an open field. Except when it's not - and holding a service. I can't help but make sure and clarify that in the song Distraction we covered earlier - they're referring to a destroyed cemetery.
I stood in this unsheltered place
It was very unsheltered. Unsheltered from the weather. Unsheltered from my emotions. I can still vividly recall just a huge, snow blinding field broken only by the fresh dirt and casket.
This will come as a surprise to Shannon, but when I would head out on solo motorcycle rides around town, I would sometimes stop and visit my dad.
In our secret world we were colliding All the places we were hiding love What was it we were thinking of?
This was our secret world. Conversations just between him and I. How Shannon was. How Gabriel was. How Connor was. How I was. How over all the years of me being the anti-religious black sheep of the family - I was hiding love. And because we're dudes, instead of having a conversation, we both probably wondered what was it you were thinking of. My sons are the same way with me, but I hope this past years entries actually answers a lot of questions for them - they know what I've been thinking.
And the plane flies through the air
Don't mind us, we're just down here burying my dad.
Oh the wheel it is turning, spinning round and round
How everyday life just goes on. One person's Wednesday, February 10th 2010 is normal and mundane, another person is making funeral arrangements for their dad. And the house it is crumbling but the stairways stand
I can't even begin to write about this line.
With no guilt and no shame, no sorrow or blame Whatever it is, we are all the same Making it up in our secret world
Before I forget, I should probably talk about last nights Good Life entry. It really just boils down to the fact I really enjoy the Google Zeitgeist videos, but that one takes me to a dark memory that happened right at the beginning of the year. On top of that, I enjoyed the show Deadliest Catch and my dad did as well. So when they finally aired the episodes around Captain Phil and it became broader knowledge that he passed away on the same day as my dad, it just reopened old wounds. Later in 2010 was when I was selected to go to Dubai. I would have liked to share that experience with him. 2010 was also the same year I turned 40, which Shannon has shared was when she gave me our first playlist in a long time.
1) We all know my love for Top Gear, and this is absolutely one of my favorite segments. They actually feature this song and Don't Fear The Reaper in it.
2) This particular episode aired on February 8th, 2015 - so the day before the 5th Anniversary of my dad's passing. It was a welcome relief as the day approached.
3) I absolutely needed a palate cleanser after this writeup. And if you read the lyrics, you might actually think it compliments the healing...because to a degree, it does...
I love and miss my dad...
Shannon’s Perspective:
I stood in this unsheltered place 'Til I could see the face behind the face
I don’t know if I can articulate exactly why these lyrics in particular stood out for me today, mostly because I’m still trying to process it myself, but these are not the same ones I choose when this song first made its appearance on the playlist of 2010. The following are the lyrics and write up from that playlist.
Secret World – “All the places we were hiding love. What was it we were thinking of?” Whenever I hear these lines all I can think of is how truly closed off both of us were in the beginning, only letting each other in so far for fear of being hurt. And only when we began to open up to each other and ourselves did we realize all the places we were hiding love.
At some point in 2010 after giving Larry the playlist, we decided to take one of our “memory” drives and listen to the over four hours of music while I read my linear notes and we talked. When this song came on Larry completely lost it. I tried to get him to tell me why there was such a strong emotional reaction and he couldn’t, but he was able to tell me we would talk about it later. I have asked many times over the years about it and always get one of two responses. The first is “later, we’ll talk about it later” the second is “I don’t remember”. As this project morphed into what it is today, but back when we were choosing songs, I knew I wanted to find a way to include this so I could finally get my answer, because now is later. But now that the day is here, I am reminded of the old adage “careful what you wish for”.
I cannot overlook the obvious fact that today it has been fifteen years since Larry lost his dad and the boys lost their grandfather. I know Larry is writing about it because he wanted to check some recollections of his and he asked me to include some of my own memories. I will do my best because that day and the many days after are all kind of a blur.
Larry had watched me go through so many losses over the years and now it was my turn. He lost his grandmother first and a few years later his dad. Both were hard but his dad was a very sudden unexpected thing. When we got the call from the hospital in Lancaster, we had no idea what we were walking into. The candy striper took us back to a room and when we walked in we saw Janet sitting next to Larry’s dad. At this point we still did not know that he had passed yet. Janet was in shock and so she was not crying but it was obvious she had been. Larry’s dad was lying on a bed with a sheet up to his waist and from the way we entered the room it looked like he was sleeping. We were the first to get there but Dina was on her way. When we realized what was going on and that Larry’s dad was gone, well in that moment I made the decision, right or wrong, to not have Dina just walk in with no clue what was going on like Larry did. I waited outside the door for her in the hope that I could somehow soften the blow. Of course, there is no way to soften a blow like that but I still stand by my decision.
After what seemed like simultaneously an eternity and a microsecond later, we went back to Larry’s parents’ house to figure some things out before we had to drive home and tell our sons their grandfather had passed away. I honestly have very few detailed memories after that for the next couple of days. I’m pretty sure my brain shut down all unnecessary functions just so I could be strong for Larry and the boys. I do remember our friend Jon being there for all of us to lean on. He drove the boys and I from the funeral to the graveside so we would not have to do it alone since Larry, his sisters, and his mother were in the limo to the graveside. I have a few other memories around those first few days but none I am ready to share right now.
Secret World Peter Gabriel
I stood in this unsheltered place 'Til I could see the face behind the face All that had gone before had left no trace
Down by the railway siding In our secret world we were colliding All the places we were hiding love What was it we were thinking of?
So I watch you wash your hair Underwater, unaware And the plane flies through the air
Did you think you didn't have to choose it That I alone could win or lose it? In all the places we were hiding love What was it we were thinking of?
In this house of make believe Divided in two, like Adam and Eve You put out and I receive
Down by the railway siding In our secret world we were colliding In all the places we were hiding love What was it we were thinking of?
Oh the wheel it is turning, spinning round and round And the house it is crumbling but the stairways stand
With no guilt and no shame, no sorrow or blame Whatever it is, we are all the same
Making it up in our secret world Making it up in our secret world Making it up in our secret world
Shaking it up Breaking it up Making it up In our secret world
Seeing things that were not there On a wing on a prayer In this state of disrepair
Down by the railway siding In our secret world we were colliding In all the places we were hiding love What was it we were thinking of?
Shh, listen...
Alive And Kicking Simple Minds
You turn me on You lift me up Like the sweetest cup I'd share with you You lift me up, don't you ever stop, I'm here with you Now it's all or nothing 'Cause you say you'll follow through You follow me and I, I'll follow you
What you gonna do when things go wrong? What you gonna do when it all cracks up? What you gonna do when the love burns down? What you gonna do when the flames go up? Who is gonna come and turn the tide? What's it gonna take to make a dream survive? Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside? Who's gonna save you?
Alive and kicking Stay until your love is alive and kicking Stay until your love is, until your love is, alive
Oh, you lift me up to the crucial top, so I can see you You lead me on till the feelings come And the lights that shine on But if that don't mean nothing And if someday it should fall through You'll take me home where the magic's from and I'll be with you
What you gonna do when things go wrong? What you gonna do when it all cracks up? What you gonna do when the love burns down? What you gonna do when the flames go up?
Who is gonna come and turn the tide? What's it gonna take to make a dream survive? Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside? Don't say goodbye, don't say goodbye In the final seconds who's gonna save you?
Ooh Oh, alive and kicking Stay until your love is, love is, alive and kicking Ooh Oh, alive and kicking Stay until your love is, love is, alive and kicking
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, oh, alive and kicking Stay until your love is alive and kicking
Alive and kicking Stay until your love is alive and kicking
One response to “Secret World (Peter Gabriel); Alive and Kicking (Simple Minds)”
[…] I not?But there is another way this song ties into Shannon and I and it does involve my parents.My dad passed away suddenly in February, 2010. The circumstances were such that he was alone and it happened on the side of a road. There are a […]
Ghost of a Chance 
One response to “Secret World (Peter Gabriel); Alive and Kicking (Simple Minds)”
[…] I not?But there is another way this song ties into Shannon and I and it does involve my parents.My dad passed away suddenly in February, 2010. The circumstances were such that he was alone and it happened on the side of a road. There are a […]
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