“Right to the heart of the matter Right to the beautiful part Illusions are painfully shattered Right where discovery starts In the secret wells of emotion Buried deep in our hearts”
This process has been difficult for me, enjoyable but difficult. I have always prided myself on being able to put my thoughts to words on paper much more easily than verbalizing them. I tend to be emotional and crying for me is a release of those emotions, no matter what they are. When I get overwhelmed with any emotion (joy, sadness, anger) the tears start to flow, so being able to communicate with written word has been helpful. But now I struggle to find words that used to come so easily to me or the words will begin to flow and then all of a sudden it’s like a switch has been turned off and I can’t even remember what I was trying to say. So many of my posts are not anywhere near where I would like them to be and there is a huge amount of frustration for me about that.
Every time I try to think about what exactly to write for this song, I close my eyes and a very specific set of memories come back to me and since we just discussed how I believe I am the keeper of memories for us both, I’m just gonna go with it. The year would have been 1997. I can’t be certain about the month, but it would have been summer or fall because we were outside with the boys. We were renting a house from a friend of a friend in Westerville, Ohio and the boys had this very brightly colored outdoor play castle. It had a slide off of the turret and a sandbox underneath. Connor and Gabriel would have been right around 2 and 3, respectively so they absolutely loved living in a house with a yard and a place to have this castle.
It had also been less than a year since losing my brother Shane, so my emotions were still very raw. Larry was starting to show signs of all the stress of having two small kids and a depressed wife, so his emotions were raw as well. We were also still working on separate shifts, we had been since Gabriel was born. So, there was definitely a distance growing between us, but it was during one of these rare times when we were both home and sitting outside with the boys while they played that we decided we needed to find a way back, a way to reconnect with each other.
We started letting some more of the walls come down and sharing even more of our life stories from before we met with each other. Things we didn’t get to before because of how quickly our relationship developed, how quickly we got married, how quickly we had not one but two small boys, so there were just some things that never came up. Side note: just to be clear even though things did happen very quickly for us I have zero regrets.
Some of the things we shared did shatter some of the illusions we may have had about each other but as the talks continued something very beautiful began to happen. It was as if you could feel the relationship growing and expanding. With each thought shared it was actually bringing us closer instead of pushing the other one away. I truly think it was in these moments that we realized the key to our relationship was always going to be about bringing us back to the heart of the matter. Right to the beautiful part...
It's important to note that the title of this month's theme "Secret Wells of Emotion" is a lyric from this song. The other Tag I'm using, "We Expose Our Insecure Spots" is also a lyric from this song. So this song must be pretty damn important. And in this case, it's not just Larry the obsessed Rush fan. It's Shannon the converted Rush fan too!
When I make statements like "Neil is one of the greatest lyricists ever" this song is a prime example. Since starting this project and putting thoughts out there for the world to read, well, that is not easy. I am exposing my insecure spots. As is Shannon. The visual of a well, and then making it secret, and then filling it with emotion that never empties (just assume the well doesn't run dry) = secret wells of emotion - buried deep in our hearts. I'm letting Shannon do all the heavy lifting tonight on this one.
Emotion Detector helps describe a very hard journey; acknowledging very hard truths. That whatever pretentiousness we all may have - trying to be cool, trying to be smart, trying to fit in, trying to be someone we're really not - those are all illusions we use to hide things from the world, and unfortunately, ourselves.
This is off the Power Windows album released in 1985. I was 15 - still didn't know Rush existed, but I was getting close! When I did finally discover Rush, I just went backwards and started listening to their catalogue. In the world of Rush fandom, this and a few other albums released around this timeframe are kind of frowned upon because musically they leaned heavily into keyboards and less into guitars. So a lot of fans kind of skip over them. But for this guy, those albums influenced me no less than any of their other albums. Because while the music is 49% important, the lyrics are 51%.
As I'm writing this note tonight, I'm realizing again the overall impact this album has - great songs like Manhattan Project (literally about the Manhattan Project); Marathon (which has already appeared on this blog); Middletown Dreams (every sad middle-aged mid-life crisis persons theme song) and Mystic Rhythms (which will make a future appearance on this blog).
I may be the biggest Rush fan you know, but I'm not really one to splurge on myself. But one of the few things I have splurged on is my Power Windows autographed lithograph poster - limited to 500. To my knowledge, they only ever offered Power Windows and 2112 as signed lithographs. And I am so thankful I got Power Windows.
P.S. As Shannon previously mentioned in the Three Stooges write-up what she is saving in case of fire - I'm saving my Power Windows signed lithograph.
P.P.S. I'm kidding.....or am I....
Emotion Detector Music by Lee and Lifeson / Lyrics by Peart
When we lift the covers from our feelings We expose our insecure spots
Trust is just as rare as devotion - Forgive us our cynical thoughts
If we need too much attention - Not content with being cool
We must throw ourselves wide open And start acting like a fool
If we need too much approval Then the cuts can seem too cruel
Right to the heart of the matter Right to the beautiful part
Illusions are painfully shattered Right where discovery starts
In the secret wells of emotion Buried deep in our hearts
It's true that love can change us But never quite enough
Sometimes we are too tender Sometimes we're too tough
If we get too much attention It gets hard to overrule
So often fragile power turns To scorn and ridicule
Sometimes our big splashes Are just ripples in the pool
Right to the heart of the matter Right to the beautiful part
Illusions, Illusions are painfully shattered Right where discovery starts
In the secret wells of emotion Buried deep in our hearts
Right to the heart of the matter Right to the beautiful part
Illusions are painfully shattered Right where discovery starts
In the secret wells of emotion Buried deep in our hearts
Feelings run high
Illusions, Illusions are painfully shattered
Right where discovery starts
Feelings run high
Our feelings run high...
Rest In Peace, Neil Peart - 09/12/1952 - 01/07/2020
Ghost of a Chance 